Oh the glorious 2WW. How quickly I forget to feel gratitude just to be here, on my couch, surrounded by pillows and my insane thoughts. I should use this time to practice mindful meditation and honing in on the skills required to quiet a monkey mind. But instead I obsess online about the conflicting theories on bed rest and convince myself that chewing is in fact a form of exercise. It's the most movement I'm getting these days---nom nom nom.
Today is day three and I realize why I'm so crazy:
This is what my weekly schedules have looked like for the past...year and a half? Medications and appointments and lining or follicle growth measures. How can a person NOT become obsessive. The schedule changes faster than my hormonal mood swings and the constant checking and double checking to see if I'm doing the right thing is absolute crazy making. Then when I get measurements of some sort I obviously have to double check the message boards and online forums to make sure my lining, or whatever, is where it should be, and then I have to check all the natural remedies to make my lining, or whatever, better. THIS IS THE MAIN INGREDIENT OF TAKING A SOMEWHAT NORMAL WOMAN AND MAKING THEM A CRAZY PERSON!
I have a new schedule now, which looks like this:
DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT! If I do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but eat, then I'm safe. Anxiety much? And really, it's a lot of ridiculousness but hell if I'm going to mess with my directions. I've become a stellar student at following directions. I've also added my own list of don'ts that I've compiled off the internet and from other...sources. Don't drink cold beverages or eat cold foods. Don't walk faster than a three legged-turtle. Don't sit up to eat soup, just let it dribble all over your face as you try to spoon it into your mouth. Don't let your husband have a moments rest, make sure to call his name asking him to get you stuff the second he walks away and sits down to do something other than serve you.
But I suppose I should also create my DO list, and it will start with this picture:
This is the Lone Ranger before thaw on Day 6 (below) and after thaw about two months later (above). It's aged stunningly in my doctor's opinion.
DO be thankful that the embryo thawed successfully and maintained its form so well.
DO watch lots of shows and movies that distract you and make you laugh.
DO eat warm, comforting foods and be very grateful to have parents that live close by and a mother who is an amazing cook.
DO try and stop counting the days until the beta HCG blood test (my day to get tested is Nov 8th, why does that seem sooooo far away).
DO move slowly and practice mindful living.
DO nap, even if you're not a napper.
DO remember that whatever happens is just going to happen and that you'll deal with it with strength and courage.
Wish me luck on this last day of bed rest! Or better yet wish my couch luck, the poor thing is full of crumbs and starting to droop.