I want to start with a big fat THANK YOU to everyone who has watched the film and to everyone who has sent us notes about it. It really touches us when we hear your stories and we hope that the film can be a solid support. Or at least a space where anyone on IF Island can come to relate and maybe for a laughs at how INSANE assisted baby-making can be. We also want to send a HUGE thank you to Elizabeth Walker and the Art of Infertility exhibit that has been displaying incredible pieces of artwork done by folks in the IF community and will be showing our film tomorrow night! If you're in Philadelphia please check it out! Noah and I will be Skyping in for a Q & A.
So going with the flow-- literally and figuratively. My FET for the end of this month got cancelled because, well, my ovaries are not cooperative. This isn't new news. This is very very old news. But we tried to see if we could prep my body for transfer and between "something weird" in my uterus at one point and a persistent cyst, we called it. Transfer will now hopefully be some time early (hopefully) in the new year and that's that.
I was bummed for a minute (or two...ish) and then decided not to be, because it wasn't going to help me at all. It's fine to feel disappointed, that's kind of par for the course with a lot of this stuff, and I did. But I also felt like I have one shot at this and I want things to be and feel as right as possible. So when my brain starts to feel annoyed at the widening age gap that will separate Momo for her potential sib (is it just me or does everyone hold on to 3 years as being some kind of magical number?), and the inconvenience of having to travel last minute (likely alone) to Seattle for a transfer, I just take a deep breath and remind myself to feel gratitude that this potential little being exists and I have a chance to get it. This is a major mind shift for me, because while I cognitively have always been aware of the need to be patient and go with the flow, my emotional side is easily pissed off. It's just my nature, my temperament--whatever you want to call it. But I've spent too many years feeling handcuffed to my ovaries and too many sleepless nights worrying about the what-ifs that this time when we got cancelled I just kind of went--ok, we will regroup later. Now I will keep drinking coffee (though my acupuncturist thinks my diet might be part of the problem so I've got to work on that) and living my life and will gear up mentally when I need to.
So the plan (for now) is to go with my flow-- we will do a natural FET-- well not natural, there will be meds but we won't do birth control or lupron or anything else that makes it slightly more convenient to plan for. And I'm thankful for that. In the few weeks I was on birth control I was quickly reminded of how cranky and moody and snippy I get (yes, I'm blaming the BC!) and also how FAT! Not a fan of the little pill. So we will just go with whatever is and hope for the best.
In the time before, I will continue to try to get our film out there and work on my book and figure out where Momo will go to preschool aka pee-school next year. I guess I should add get in shape and stop eating crap to the list...why am I so unmotivated? Is it because it's cold and pie is so good?
Anyway. Thanks again for all the support and love and know Noah and I are always sending it right back at you!