So it's been a week since transfer and I have to say, this time around, time has gone fast. I guess it's really only a ten day wait, which isn't too bad. I've been busy, which is helpful, but then I have these moments where I remember how crazy making the two-week wait really is. It's been about four years since I've been here, and I've noticed a few things I forgot about this glorious moment in time:
1) I forgot how ineffective it is to repeatedly ask my husband if he thinks it worked. Yet I do it anyway. His answer never changes, duh, but I like to hear him say it. I like the confidence in his voice and the way his newly formed wrinkles around his eyes look stressed about having a second kid. That's true confidence. Now of course Noah's confidence doesn't mean anything in terms of actual success, but I think I'll keep asking, obsessively, at all times of the day and night for the next two days just to hear him say it.
2) I forgot how itchy progesterone shots make my butt. My bottom is already red and lumpy and sore and I think part of the reason is because Noah has kind of lost his touch with the shots. Not totally hit fault, we are always in a rush. But he harpoons me. Not always. But often enough so that I already look like I sat on a beehive. I remembered how red and lumpy things got last time (though I thought it was much later in the process), but what I neglected to remember was how itchy I get. I assume others do too? I opened a drawer in the kitchen a few days ago and saw a plastic fork and my eyes lit up. Yessss.... that's exactly what I need to scratch my booty. And as I was standing in the kitchen scratching my butt with a plastic fork, I remembered I had this tool before. And I used to scream "fork me!" for Noah to find my fork. And it was a life saver. So glad to have found you again old friend! Occasionally Momo asks to help. "Mama, can I scratch your booty with the fork?" Yes child. Yes, please scratch my booty with a fork. Then we go and play fairies.
3) I forgot how easy it is to panic if you think you've made a wrong move. Like if you've eaten something you shouldn't have or if you dash across the street and suddenly feel a little cramp. I honestly have moments when I forget this little thing is (hopefully) inside me (that's how distracted I am!) and I'll lift Momo or roll around with her and then feel a flush of hot fear come over me that maybe I messed something up in my belly. I have to remind myself that this microscopic cell is now deeply nuzzled into the muscles of my insides, and that there's a nice lil' layer of fat around my waist as extra protection. Everything will be ok.
4) I forgot how peeing becomes a serious decision. Well, not just to pee, but whether or not to do a pee test the morning of the beta. I did with Momo and that's when I got that traumatically faint line. I didn't times before. This time I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should test or not. Noah says no, I'm leaning towards yes but I'll let it be a game time decision. Ah the big decisions in life.
5) I forgot how much we want this. I mean, I never forgot truly, but I've come to terms with whatever the outcome and my mantra has been "whatever it is it is." I'm not stressed about it. I don't feel like my life is depending on this working the way I did with Momo, because we were so broken it honestly felt like we just couldn't feel any more broken. But I want this little thing to stay and work and grow and be a healthy baby and complete our family and be a sibling for Momo and several more crows feet for Noah. Just a few more days until we find out.
Sending lots of love to anyone in the 2ww right now. Wish I should raise a glass and cheers to itchy booties!