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September 07, 2018

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K

Same thing for me, every single month. Also low ovarian reserve here, one child through IVF and one surprise natural pregnancy that makes me think it's possible. Am entirely grateful for my one but would love another, though I know it's likely not in the cards for us. Just came home from a three year old's birthday party. The worst! So many babies and expecting mothers!

femiint

honest post.. thanks for sharing

Pamela

Always lovely to hear from you, Maya. Our (donor embryo) boy is sleeping now, almost half a year old, and it just feels so nice that we get a few months NOT to think about fertility whatsoever. Other than occasionally wondering whether we want to try for a second. I want to, just because I always imagined two. But one child is a lot, and two will be so many more, haha. My husband isn't so sure anymore that he wants two, and I realized I could live with having just our sweet wonderful magical son. But it's still an open question. One I can put off for a while longer!

Kind of hoping there will just be a "surprise" at some point and take the pressure off the question, but then that's a whole other can of beans. I wasn't technically "advanced maternal age" with my son because the egg was in its 20s. My own eggs are almost 40. So, yeah, different scenario. I won't be able to laugh off the screening tests quite so breezily. And if there's no "surprise," we're looking at getting back on a very tense and expensive haunted carnival ride.

I'm sure there will be plenty of feelings either way, and I'll do my best to invite them all in for tea. Your honesty and your example has meant so much to me over the years. It was the first place I learned about donor embryos and started thinking of it as a path forward for us. And I truly couldn't be happier xxx

Candice

Here from stirup queens. I can so relate. I have two amazing kids through ART and we are contemplating a third. Every month I think I am naturally pregnant, and every month I am not. Because I feel overwhelming sadness about it, I think my heart really wants another baby and another person at our dinner table. But my brain is relieved I don’t have to figure out a way to give them everything I want to. I don’t think another FET would be wise for us financially or emotionally. So. Here we are, limbo land. It will be nice when I hit menopause and then I don’t have to do these emotional and mental gymnastics. Since I am 36, that time is a long way off. Thanks for writing, I really appreciate your perspective.

Carla

I have only read the title and I’m already commenting - my period is due today, hasn’t arrived yet, and I imagine I’m pregnant. Thankfully I’m fine either way, thank God for my second child through embryo donation! More than likely I am not!

Maria Belén

I am happy to hear from you Maya. I can also relate in so many ways to your post. I am not doing great these days I am waiting for my uterus to be ok so I can do a FET, I had two cycles cancelled already. Doing lots mindfulness meditation to help me get through it. Sending love. Belén

Heather P

Thank you for such an honest and thoughtful post. I can relate on so many levels. While I don’t have a child at the moment, each day I find things to be grateful for. This journey has created deeper grooves in my soul and - with intention - made our marriage stronger. We are now in the adoption pool - choosing that path versus the heart wrenching roller coaster of fertility treatments. The moment of closing that door felt solid, just like your experience, yet it’s funny that in some of my most fear-based moments I relook at statistics and think “what if...” If you haven’t read the book “One and Only” by Lauren Sandler, I highly recommend it.

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