Happy day after I survived Mother's Day. I avoided brunch anywhere in Los Angeles because I was concerned I may kick over a stroller, and because my mom is the coolest in the world and agreed to have lunch at a non-kid friendly establishment next weekend.
Such is life right now, and the avoidance of life. But what can I do when infertility reminders are knocking on my wall, literally?
I'll explain.
We're getting new neighbors. The last neighbors moved out when they were about five months pregnant. The new neighbors recently came by to introduce themselves and warn us that they were going to re-do the floors next door and maybe do a little construction. We chatted, talked about the building quirks, and that was that. Cut to two weeks of pounding and drilling and sawing at 8am every morning and my curiosity was peaked. This didn't sound like floors or a "little" construction.
This morning, out of annoyance that the banging is still going on, I went over in my pajamas to find out what they were doing in there and how long it was to go on. The contractor greeted me with hesitation.
"What's going on in here?" I asked, groggily.
"Oh, we've moved the closet and extended the loft upstairs," he replied.
"Can I take a look?" My nosey self asked as I made my way up the stairs. They had indeed moved the closet and extended the loft to create what looked liked a huge walk-in closet.
"Gee, that's a big walk-in," I said, "they must have a lot of stuff."
"That's going to be the nursery," he replied. And I promptly pattered back over to my unit and shut the door. My chest instantly tightened. Of course it's a nursery!
What feels like a cruel joke is just people in their early thirties living their lives. Logically, I know that. No one is having babies because they are against me. But when you've been so beat down and exhausted by futile attempts at procreation, emotionally, it feels like the world is constantly giving you the finger.
I texted Noah about the nursery, trying to sound informative rather than annoyed.
His response was, "sounds about right."
Yep. Sounds about right. I have to remind myself that their partially constructed nursery has nothing to do with me, and then I have to shut my windows and close the blinds. At least for now.
Thanks for all the support. A virtual hug and validation of how much this does indeed SUCK are very much appreciated!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | May 14, 2013 at 12:25 PM
Following you on this journey only makes me know what I already knew. You are an incredibly amazing young lady with a great deal of strength and perseverance. We are all pulling for you and just know that as shitty and defeated as you might feel, you and Noah will figure this out. Wish I could just give you a big hug ❤
Posted by: Dennie | May 13, 2013 at 09:09 PM
Oh I feel your pain all too well. I'm going through this too and I avoided brunch on Mother's day as well. I wish I knew the right words to say but I feel like they aren't any except ... this sucks ... really sucks. And it really, really sucks when our surroundings remind us of our struggle.
Posted by: Hope | May 13, 2013 at 06:46 PM