Nothing stays the same

It's true. Feelings, situations, ideas of what seems right, the body--it is all constantly changing. That's why hope exists. Knowing things will be different is hopeful when you're in a bad moment. It also reminds us not to grip to tightly when things are going well, thus the ever difficult challenge of being totally present and appreciative of whatever moment we happen to be in.

I've been starting to feel more hopeful about my body lately. After three years of being told it is in some way broken or defective, I have started reminding myself that it's not and it can change. At the beginning of our infertility journey I had an HSG that showed one blocked fallopian tube, and then a laparoscopic surgery that revealed two blocked fallopian tubes. That's why we jumped to IVF so quickly. Sometimes there is no getting around the IVF thing--blocked tubes are one of those things. But months later I had another HSG that showed two open normal looking fallopian tubes. What happened? They could have always been open but the first two procedures were wrong meaning maybe my body just tensed up at the wrong moment, or it could have been that something changed. Doing yoga or having my mother massage my stomach while chanting, "open the tubes," could have worked. Or time. Nothing stays the same.

So I'm going to remind myself of this every day.  When I feel sad, when I feel hopeless, when I'm frustrated with my body--nothing stays the same and good things are possible. 

Noah cut together a short clip of where we are. We interviewed each other last weekend about a week after we found out IVF with my sis as a donor didn't work. I can look back even just a week and see that I'm in a different, (slightly different) place:

 

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Wow Lucky Mummy! What an amazing gift you're giving your sister. Going through the process with my own sister was kind of incredible. She was go generous and such a trooper and I was the one who felt guilty that she was going through all the shots. In the end, her willingness to try to help us meant so much and made us closer. Even though it didn't work for us, neither of us has regrets. We tried. We both did the best we could. I don't think my sis feels badly. She knows in her heart she did everything she could. You won't screw anything up! I wrote a lot about our experience together under the donor egg category I think. Hope all goes well for both of you!

[Lucky mummy]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your experiences on this blog, I'm finding it really helpful to read. I'm starting my injections tomorrow - I'm donating my eggs to my sister - and I can't sleep! Finding it more pressure because it's for her and I keep worrying I'm somehow going to screw something up.

I really hope things work out for you, I'm going to keep reading your blog while my sister and I are going through this together.