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December 01, 2013

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Don't Count Your Eggs

Very true KB. If I'm not making calls and crossing things off my list I feel like I'm just sitting around, but sitting can be ok. Noah is big on the "hang on a sec" philosophy. I try, but I'm addicted to figuring this out! Whatever that means. It's crazy when I say it out loud. I think deciding to heal my heart and my body is a good plan. Thanks so much for your comments, they're always really insightful.

KB

No decision IS a decision. I know it feels like grey area, but it's not- it is ok to decide not to decide yet. I know with IF it's easy to feel like we are on a conveyer belt, and we must keep moving constantly forward. But you are still moving forward even by hanging on for a sec. No matter what you decide, it sounds like you are not in the right frame of mind to feel GOOD about EITHER decision. I'm just going by what you're writing- you know better than we do, of course, how you are actually feeling. But I am the same way you are- I feel better when I'm doing something. I felt the same way in April after our 4th IUI failed and it was time to start IVF. I just wasn't ready- I WANTED to be ready because I was terrified of "stopping". That's when my husband reminded me that "hanging on a sec" is not the same as "stopping". Sometimes nurturing your mind and emotions while putting the physical/concrete stuff on hold (FET or no? Donor embryo or no? Adoption or no?) is exactly what you need to move forward into a place where whatever you decide about those things will feel RIGHT. No matter what you decide, it will be the right thing for you and Noah- but taking the burden of deciding off the table for a moment is always an option. There are no rules in the land of IF because, as you know, they are meant to be broken. Maybe let your subconcious chew on what you've given it for awhile- you've given it quite a lot to think about. You've done your homework- maybe it's like what you posted before about sitting with it. But sitting with it and also taking the pressure off of making ANY decision yet. (All of this would be hard for me too, I totally get it. You are being SO strong- really.)

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Mary. Thanks for following! And you're totally right, uncertainty is the worst but what in life is really certain, right? I wish you all the best and feel free to contact me if you need anything.

Mary

Hang in there Maya! Being uncomfortable with uncertainty is not easy, especially when what we think we want changes several times a day! Thanks for sharing your journey (I'm residency friends with your sis - she sent your blog my way :) ) - I'm just starting mine.....

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