Flexibility

I never really considered myself a super flexible person, and I don't mean that in a physical way. I mean being easy going or extremely agreeable wouldn't be in the top five words I would use to describe myself. I'm more...particular. Specific. A gal who knows what she wants and how she wants it. What I've come to realize just this second as I was responding to a comment about egg donation, is that I have actually become pretty flexible. By force, not choice, but nevertheless, flexible.

I don't care anymore where my egg or embryo comes from as long as it will work. I don't care if it has blue eyes or green hair as long as it is healthy and will make a human being that I can nurture to be just as neurotic as I am! Kidding. A year ago I cared. I felt strongly about what I wanted and how I wanted it all to happen. Going through everything we have has been the ultimate lesson that life doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. And fighting against that reality doesn't make it any less real.

It's kind of like finding a new yoga pose. It takes a little time to figure it out, it takes time for your mind and body to adjust to the posture, and it takes practice and patience to stretch out in a specific way, and then the pose just becomes. It is part of your practice.

Being open and flexible and curious about where our baby is going to come from has suddenly become part of our practice in surviving on IF Island. I'm proud of myself for feeling this way. The feeling is sometimes replaced with bitterness and anger and frustration about how unfair it all is, but for the most part I think I have actually learned to accept that I will probably have a child that isn't biologically mine. The intensity of feeling I had about that is so much less. It just is. All I want is a baby. Letting go of how or when, though, is a process. 

Wish everyone out there on the Island a little strength to find ways to accept what is and keep moving towards the ultimate goal. Much love and happy Friday!

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

You too Jackie! Have a wonderful, cozy, delicious holiday!

[Jackie]

Maya,
I can relate to this completely. I absolutely love your analogy to the yoga pose.
Have a great holiday,
Jackie

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

I know. We have those same thoughts--do we get donated embryos for 10k or do we save up and spend a little (a lot) more money and get an egg donor so my husband has a shot at his own biology, or do we save up more money and go with the sure thing and just adopt? At some point we will just pull the trigger on something and move on, and that's it. You will too. If it's not going to be today then my theory is let it go and enjoy the day. Do something fun and delicious and snuggly! Happy Friday Ann Marie!

[Ann Marie]

I understand about flexibility. I am a planner. I made choices about my education, career, marriage, etc, but being IF island is not a choice. It is what we are given. Just like yourself, I am TRYING to be flexible here. I have even started to search egg donation websites ($10-$30,000)- I cannot believe the cost! Yikes! My husband wants a family so bad, and we are trying to come to terms with a baby being half his biological child and half someone else's. If we use donor eggs, at least I will always be the birth mom. Back to your "The "Right" decision vs. the Right Now Decision" post, do we try IVF 3 more times at $30,000, or one egg donor cycle for $30,000? Thank you for given me strength ~ and as much as you give out so many kinds words of encouragement ~ please know that you are a very special person and will be an amazing Mom!