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January 13, 2014


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Im in (meant to go here)

Don't Count Your Eggs

Camryn, Thanks so much for your kind words. And yes we WILL both be mothers. Some how. Some way. I wish you so much luck during the ever tedious 2WW and hope that you get some great news very soon. You'll be in my thoughts!

Camryn A

Hi Maya. Thank you! I love your blog and wish I still lived in LA so I could join your special ritual meet ups! I'm in mid-30s, a UCLA grad and Californian expat (now living in Denmark with my Danish husband). We are year 3+ on "IF island" (love that term, wish it was as tropical and pineapple-y as it sounds!) -- but after 8 iui's, 1 miscarriage, and a diagnosis similar to yours of Diminished Ovarian Reserve (and premature ovarian aging?), we are currently on our first round of IVF at a clinic here in Copenhagen. My harvest was 8 days ago – implantation was 6 days ago, and in 8 days I'll take the blood test. The fact that they were able to even grow and harvest some oocyctes was a major breakthrough — and that a couple fertilized was our second little miracle. Now it's the waiting game — will another little miracle be handed to us?! Your story breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you and Noah have had to struggle with so much. I too have considered asking one of my 3 sisters for some eggs. Your sister (and parents...and husband) sound incredible — and YOU are simply amazing. A true warrior with the right attitude, a good sense of humor and a strong will to become a mother. My best friend struggled for many years with infertility and finally got her twin babies after turning to egg-donation. In my dark hours, I ask her for advice. And the one thing she repeats to me, which she repeated to herself during those sad years is this simple mantra: I WILL be a mother one day. There are many paths to motherhood. And it will happen for us. It always happens for those who fight for it and never give up.

Good luck, sweet Maya! I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers…

Camryn in Copenhagen

Don't Count Your Eggs

To those ladies who replied, I'll be in touch soon! To those who can't make it, you'll be with us in spirit! Sara--how amazing that you get so much coverage! I hope others out there see your comment, thanks for sharing the info and hope you have some good luck soon. Not sure if we can pack up and head out, though sometimes that feels like exactly what I want to do! And Claire, I've never seen Obese and Pregnant...ugh. There are so many shows! Sixteen and Pregnant...what else is there? On Crack and Pregnant? Good luck if you're starting meds today. Keep us posted.


Hello again Maya, since you mentioned a cash reserve issue, I would like to mention one other thing. Have you considered moving to a state that requires insurers to cover IVF, such as MA? (See http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/insurance_coverage/state-coverage.html for more details. That site is telling me that CA compels insurers to pay for some infertility treatment but not IVF.) We simply got lucky: my husband's employer is based in MA and they covered 6 rounds. While we were getting treated at Brigham & Women's we ran into a couple who had pulled up roots and moved from FL to take advantage of MA's enlightened law and top-notch clinics. I know such a move seems drastic, but you are both young and you seem like a very fabulous couple who could make it work.


Thank you for this thoughtful blog. Like you I had a need for a ritual to close an especially heartbreaking loss. I looked to the Jewish tradition, and discovered that according to tradition you are not supposed to sit shiva for a child less than 30 days old. But the rationale for this was to spare parents the obligation of a proper shiva for every lost infant at a time when infant mortality was high. I figured it was in keeping with the spirit, if not the letter, of the Jewish rules to sit shiva for my embryos, so I did. Anyhow, the Jizo is a beautiful and highly functional tradition, so thank you. We need mechanisms for moving on. I am on IF island too. My heart goes out to you. I hope you are hooked up with the leading experts on your issue(s). I traveled halfway across the country in search of better success rates, and while it has not worked (yet!), we have definitely goten closer than we'd been getting at home--more eggs retrieved, higher fertilization rate, etc. I'm wishing you the best. Looking forward to photos from the beach ritual.


What a great idea! I wished I lived in California because I would be a definite "I'm in!" I'm all about exploring other cultures and rituals. Whatever gives us hope on this journey right? In our living room, I have a stone with a kokpelli carved on it to give me hope. And there's a story behind that stone - my husband took the Amtrak home from California (he has a fear of flying) and he stopped at a small table with a Native American man (a medicine man) behind it. There were all sorts of stones with different carvings. He asked the man "which one should I get?" And the Native American man looked at my husband, took a moment to ponder in thought and pointed to the stone with the kokopelli, the fertility deity. It's like that medicine man knew that's what we would need. So I say, whatever we need, lets go for it girls!


Living in another country makes it hard to be there but I'll be there in spirit. All the way from Sweden.

Next week I'm doing my first eggdonation.


I have been following your blog (I'm also on IF island). I live near SF so I will be there in spirit also. I think this is a great idea!


I love this idea. It really brings a sence of purpose and significance to the struggle we are going through. I won't be there because I'm 3000 miles away.

This is way off topic, but have you seen the show on TLC Obease and pregnant? Theses women are going through their own struggle, but I'm actually giggling through the whole thing! It just seems so crazy that these women are expecting to begin with. I know it's just jeliousie, at least I'm laughing and not crying! Or laughter comes from watching them eat white bread and mayo sandwiches?

If everything goes as planned ill start injections for IVF cycle #2 on thursday. Wish me luck!


What a nice idea! I'll be there in spirit from Chicago :-)


Oh, what a beautiful idea! I discovered Mizuko Jizo around this time last year when I miscarried. I wear a gold Jizo pendant that I got from jizoandchibi.com, and soon thereafter did my own Mizuko Kuyo. (You can read about it here: http://onfecundthought.com/mizuko-kuyo/)

If you're in south LA, I would love to join -- I'm in San Diego -- otherwise will quietly send love and peaceful greetings from afar.


I'm in (if I'm free the day you decide on)!


I wish!!
I live in Denver--but I used to live in Playa del Rey! I will be there in spirit....
I was thinking about your "mini Buddha" and wondering where I would put them all....


You know I'm definitely in! What a lovely post. xo

Jessica Gehly

Im in. Email jessicagehly@Yahoo.com

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