I don't like to vent too much on this blog because I truly try my hardest to stay focused and stay positive, but this morning I had a...reminder of how misunderstood and stigmatized infertility can be and I wanted to share my experience. I'll try to be brief.
Since 2013 I have had some infertility coverage through my health insurance that I receive through my employer. I work for a non-profit organization that is associated with a Catholic hospital. Because of this coverage, I was able to have various tests, x-rays, and even medication/insemination covered. It was a HUGE help financially. The coverage is really just for "testing and diagnosing" and gave me access to doctors who have helped me figure out what is going on with my body.
After my sonohysterogram earlier this year, I got a whopping bill and was told I no longer had infertility coverage. I didn't understand it, but was told that my coverage mysteriously stopped mid- June 2013. There was no real explanation and I had no warning or notice that there had been any changes. Fast forward a few months of dealing with Kaiser and my HR department and lo and behold, I was told by my HR department that I lost coverage because, according to my HR rep, my employer is a Catholic institution and I, "never should have had any infertility coverage because they [meaning my employer] don't t want you to mess with God's plan." She literally said that to me. When they realized they were providing this coverage, they dropped it immediately claiming it was essentially a mistake.
I felt totally degraded. She was nice about it, she said it wasn't her call or her decision, but I was so angry at how misunderstood just the word infertility can be. I was covered for getting information and getting diagnostic tests for a medical condition. That was all. IVF and everything else I've done we have paid for completely out of pocket.
I don't want to get into any religious, moral or ethical issues. Everyone has a right to their opinion and their values. But when other people's values take away my right to get information and help, it hurts. It makes me angry and sad that infertility is seen by many as not a legitimate condition and that people who undergo treatments can be looked down upon.
We all have a right to get answers and to get help. None of us made the choice to be on IF Island, and we all have to advocate for ourselves and each other as we continue to fight to create or complete our families. We all have to remember what we know in our hearts. That we have the right to parent, the right to have a child, and the right utilize modern medicine and technologies in whatever way feel is right to each of us individually.
Sorry that I'm a little fired up this Friday. This was my first encounter feeling...discriminated against. I think that word is ok to use here. I know that many other people struggle with this kind of stuff daily--feeling shamed or feeling judged, and I want to send so much love and strength to everyone out there still in this fight.
Yes, you can say discrimination. <3
Posted by: Ann | August 01, 2015 at 03:54 PM
I am a devout Catholic with secondary infertility undergoing IVF once again and I feel for you. I believe that just as you can undergo cancer treatment in a Godly way, you can undergo infertility treatment in a Godly way. Just because a person chooses chemotherapy in hopes of eradicating their cancer doesn't mean they don't believe God is ultimately in control. So with IVF. In an abstract way I agree with the Church's teaching, which is consistently pro-life and therefore philosophically sound. However, on an individual basis it hurts God's people. I think we need the Catholic Church to set the bar high, but the problem is when people use it as an excuse to judge others. If they didn't act as Jesus would, you can, that is, love, forgive, move on. So hard to do. Rise above it all if you can.
Posted by: Carla | March 18, 2014 at 07:49 AM
Thanks for the support. I don't feel like I can just throw in the towel on this one...seems really unfair and like the term infertility is somehow equated with fetuses being grown in jars or something. I'll keep you posted but this is not over just yet...
And Emma, I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Glad this blog has been helpful. It helps me so much to share so I thank everyone for reading and responding and sharing your own thoughts and experiences.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | March 15, 2014 at 03:29 PM
Hi, 2 weeks ago I had a CP with my final go of ICSI, we're out of money, luck and I think tears now. To go through all we have and be no closer to holding our own child feels at times unbearable. I just wanted to say I found your blog a week ago and it has helped me so much. All my friends are reading your posts so they can gain some insight into how we feel. You seem to word things perfectly and given those around me an understanding when I've not been able to even hold a conversation. I also wanted to thank your husband for always keep a diamond in your mind xxxxxxxx
Posted by: Emma | March 15, 2014 at 01:43 PM
I am SO angry for you right now. I know that's not helpful, but I am. I don't understand how the hypocrisy of these religious institutions continue to go mostly unchallenged. Sending love.
Posted by: Dani | March 15, 2014 at 08:50 AM
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Doesn't seem right and at minimum, was really poor customer service not to communicate to you. On behalf of you, and other women like you (us), who need more gental care and understanding - I hope you keep letting them know.
Hugs.
Posted by: Daily Dose | March 15, 2014 at 04:40 AM
Sigh... I previously worked for a Catholic employer, but I'm not Catholic. I had a similar situation when they didn't want to pay for birth control pills to control painful periods. (Despite the fact that I was unmarried and not in a relationship). I completely understand that religious organizations don't want to pay for something they consider wrong, but I also think that people of a different faith shouldn't be subject to those beliefs (especially when the employer chooses to hire people of different religions, as mine did). There has to be a middle ground or some kind of options for these types of situations. Best wishes as you deal with this.
Posted by: Lisa {Amateur Nester} | March 14, 2014 at 04:18 PM