« Searching for gratitude in the ART world | Main | Never underestimate the power of hormones »

May 28, 2014


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


Thank you for this post. Once again, I'm writing after the fact (of the post) but I do think people are still reading your blog. And Jessica in Sweden, I absolutely feel your pain. <3

Jessica in Sweden

Thank you for a great post. Me and my hubby are going through exactly that....that moment when enough is enough. We just don't have the energy anymore, I'm an emotional wreck...Hubby is completly stressed out. We are trying to breathe and exhale and focus on all the good things in life, we do have a lot of good things in our life, we just need to focus a bit harder to see them right now. I grieve the life we won't get.
I grieve that I won't be a part of "the mum club"...you know what it's like when every other woman in the room has kids.....yup, some of them do think of you as the freak, some of them pity you, and the conversation revolves around kids, pregnancies, labour, kids, kids, kids, the best schools, the best hospital, their latest pregnancy and so on....and without even thinking about it they make you feel totally useless and weird and different and so NOT part of "the club". I hate that and even though I know that most of them do not mean to make you feel like that and I know they are busy and that their kids mean eveything to them.But I still feel so left out and hurt. And that make me less eager to see people and hung out.
Thank you for raising this important and difficult topic in such a sensitive way.
/Jessica in Sweden


Great post.
This is what I sent to the people that knew our situation when it failed:
A couple of weeks ago, my friend and pastor posed a question; “What did Paul mean when he said ‘I can do all things’…”
He was referring to Philippians 4:11-13
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
And that passage really struck me because of the situation I was in with my husband Rudy and our struggle to have a child.
We were just beginning the final IVF rally, multiple injections multiple times daily, pills, patches, it was overwhelming. Between Rudy and myself, I think we had 6 alarms set on our phones to remind us what medications I needed to take at what times….My stomach soon became riddled with injection sites and bruises; hot flashes and crying spells came out of nowhere.
And then, at the perfect time, my friend and pastor, Bobby posed this question.
What did it mean to me? Did it mean that if I prayed enough or if I was good enough this procedure would work? Unfortunately, no. What I did realize it meant, however, is that should this not work, I would be able to get through it, I would survive it.
So here we are. It did not work and it is so terrifyingly final that I can barely type it. I can spend hours, days, and months thinking of all of the things that my husband and I will never get to experience; hearing ourselves be called mom and dad, first steps, first days of school, proms, marriages…..an infinite number of things that are gone from our futures. It is heartbreaking. It will be heartbreaking for a very long time. It will be a long time before hearing news of other people getting pregnant or having babies isn’t like a knife twisting my heart—but, “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” Eventually, it will be okay.
Although I haven’t told an exceptional amount of people what we have been going through, we have had an exceptional amount of support. God is always great and has of course been such a constant source of strength for us, our close friends and incredible family have been amazing and supportive, my boss—wow, without the support of him, none of this would have been possible, my acupuncturists who had to double as therapists—because I couldn’t afford acupuncture AND therapy! And everyone else who sent good energy or prayers.
There are a lot worse things that could happen in this world, I am fortunate enough to get to spend the rest of my life with Rudy….and that is a pretty good hand to be dealt.
Thank you for being a part of our journey.

And thank YOU Maya, for having a voice for us and letting all of us on the island know we are not alone.
I'm trying to get my boat in the water, but it's hard even now to leave this place <3

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Ladies. Thanks for sharing. Mel, I can only imagine how hard it must be to come to this place. My heart goes out to you and I'm so impressed by your strength and ability to recognize that you can be happy, and it sounds like you have a pretty great hubby, which is not something everyone has. I wish you all the love in the world, sent directly to your broken heart. Mr. T and Me, good luck with your decision making. So hard. But I do think it's important to bring the power back to you, and your partner. Sometimes it gets to the point where we have to save ourselves. I get that, completely. Lots of love to you, too. Laura, you're never alone. Always know that. Thanks for commenting.


What a wonderful post, thank you. After 6 years of trying to conceive, and 3 years of failed IVF treatments (the last BFN only a month ago), hubby and I have made the difficult decision to stop all treatments and move forward with life child-free. We have considered all of our options and feel this is the best decision for us. While nothing is set in stone, for now we have no plans to return to try to reach that unreachable (for us) goal of parenthood. The decision has been a very difficult one, I am crying even as I write this post, but each day gets a little easier. At the moment I am still trying to mend my broken heart following our last failed attempt, but I know that we will be okay. Letting go of what could have been is the heart breaking, but I know that living a happy life with my husband is enough, more than enough, for me.

Laura D

I recently just found this blog and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Not one part of this process is easy but it's nice to know you aren't alone

Mr Thompson and Me

It's a hard decision and one I'm currently wrangling with. My thanks for another great post - you nailed it!

The comments to this entry are closed.

Click here to VOTE for the blog!
My Photo

Photo Albums

Check Out Baby Quest Foundation!