So Nice to Meet You, Now Please Take off Your Underpants

Momotaro, our donated embryo is in! Here's baby's first head shot: 

They did assisted hatching, so that's why it's kind of coming out of its shell. Momo is a little shy, like its dad.  The transfer was easy, the doctor was nice (met her for the first time today and spent about four minutes with her), and the embryologist said it thawed well and looked good. What more can I ask for? More valium.

It really has taken a lot to get here. Not just the physical journey of getting in a car, then a plane, then a train/light rail, then a boat (Noah's family lives on an island off of Seattle), then another car-- but the journey of getting to embryo adoption. It's not exactly something you wake up one morning and decide to do. Some serious...stuff has to go down before one gets to this decision. And it is in that...stuff where we've learned and hurt and grown and compromised and stood dumbfounded with my pants around my ankles waiting for my morning shot and thinking, "how did this happen?" Learning to sit with and wade through the... stuff forces you to keep stepping up to the plate and swinging for the fences, even when you keep striking out. This...stuff teaches you to show up for yourself and your partner and your baby-to-be--even after repeated abuse and heartbreak. 

I haven't always thought of this...stuff as a journey. There was a lot of time spent confused and crying--angry at how this was all playing out. I still have my moments, no doubt, but I just keep reminding myself that I will be a mom.  Maybe I am right now as I write this. Mom to a day five hatching blastocyst that's been trying to implant into my puffy uterus lining for the last five hours and 14 minutes. 

So now I follow Dr. Google's bed rest advice (did I mention I'm really bad at best rest and am totally not following the last bed rest protocol because this clinic says there is not need to be totally still) by eating pineapple core, drinking hot beverages, and keeping my feet warm. Even though I'm perfectly aware that Momotaro will either stick or not, the thickness of my socks and the temperature of my beverages give me some sense of control. 

I have no delusions about having control over the outcome. Last night I freaked out because I've had greasy french fries three times in the past two days. Very unlike me. I suddenly became convinced that I'd sabotaged the FET by not eating healthy foods. Noah had to remind me that a few fries will not come between me and my baby. Any baby of mine will inevitably love french fries. What I can control right now is my optimism, even if it means the fall will feel that much farther. The fall will suck and hurt anyway-- I might as well send my absolute whole-hearted truth into the universe that I want this. I want this to work really, really bad. And in about ten days I'll know if it did. 

Thanks to everyone for all the love and support, and good luck to my fellow Islanders who have procedures in the upcoming days!

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks so much everyone! I feel like I have a Momo cheer squad! Stick embie stick! Maybe the french fry grease will help the cause, right? Julie, you're comment made me feel a lot better. As I was quickly walking to the light rail (Seattle's train system) yesterday, I started to panic--am I walking too fast? Is my core temp too hot? And I thought of your comment and your sleeping baby boy. It will be what it is. Trying to visualize! Good luck with your bed rest Denise and congrats on making it to transfer day! I always feel like that alone is a huge hurdle! And Corynn-- No trigger shot and no symptoms. Nada. Nothing. It's probably way too early. THanks again everyone!

[phaira]

sending positive sticky vibes your way!

[Kristy]

Thinking about you Maya! Keep all of your thoughts positive and BELIEVE!!!!! Hang on tight Momotaro :)

[Corynn]

Any symptoms or intuitions yet?! I just "knew" the day after my transfer and started getting faint positives 4 days past the (3 day) transfer. (btw - do you do a trigger shot for FET? I've only ever done fresh cycle).

Wishing and hoping and praying for you and Noah!!!!

[Bri]

Momo! Momo! Momo! Thinking of you & Noah. As a girl from Idaho, I am a firm believer that french fries are good for the soul ;) lots of love. xo

[Kandie]

Thinking of you and praying!

[Weylin]

Hang in there, hon. Wishing for you and Momotaro.

[Mel]

Good luck Maya!

[Jill B @ hopinghopefloats.blogspot.com]

Good luck!

[Dina]

Good luck

[Katrine]

I hope so much this will work!!! Been following your blog for a couple of months now, and I love it. Good luck!!!

[Denise]

Good Luck Maya! I hope he is your sticky baby. We had our transfer yesterday as well. The bed rest thing does suck... BIG TIME! I am also so terrible with it :)

[Kelly]

Good luck Maya! After my 5 day, we walked about a mile to a favourite restaurant. Spent a lot of time watching Archer & Arrested Development. So far so good!
Normally I'm not a deep fried person (ugh, sits in gut) but it helps with nausea. Weird.
Try to distract & treat yourself!

[KB]

If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend who swears that eating french fries before and after her frozen transfer helped it work for her! No joke. They ARE warm, you know. ;)

Thinking warm thoughts for you guys. Don't stress about whether you're relaxing enough or not enough- just give yourself permission to be as you want to be, and know that you are doing everything you can. And if being stressed is part of that, that is ok too! I asked my acupuncturist yesterday "I'm having a hard time not drinking during my ivf break- I keep trying to relax and be a normal person, but then I think "is it better to deprive and avoid all this stuff?" And she looked at me, sighed, and said "honestly, you are wound up like a top and I think you should go ahead and drink that wine because in the end getting YOU to relax will be better all around." LOL.In other words, enjoy your hot beverages and warm socks. It's what works for you, darnit, and your little embryo knows that and is burrowing in as we speak.

[Leanna]

I like Julie's idea about visualizing the pregnancy in your head and only thinking that it WILL work. I know that can be nearly impossible for you going through it. But it is so easy for me to do for you and for all the rest of us really who are hoping and praying for you anyway. So that's what I'm going to do...I will visualize this only working and I will visualize all your future memories of becoming a mom and a family. I will even throw in some morning sickness for good measure.

[Laura]

That's a good looking embryo! Best of luck!

[Samantha]

Good luck Maya!!! Hope Momo is getting nice and comfy!!!!! Xx

[Julie]

Good luck Maya! I'm praying for you! Hope this helps you relax. I did IVF 5 years ago and ate all kinds of fast food, didn't do bed rest because my RE said it wasn't necessary. Got on a flight 3 days after my transfer and my beautiful little boy is sleeping in the room next door. The only thing I did was to think positive and did not allow a thought in my head that IVF would not work even thought the odds where against me because they had to do a day 2 transfer since only he had fertilized!!! Im sure this will work for you. Visualize it in your head. Your pregnancy and how your belly will start to grow soon.

[A Few Good Eggs]

Love the headshot! I'll be thinking of you. Good luck with the bed rest....

[Lisa]

That's a good-looking embryo! And I can always use some more valium, too! Try not to worry about the French Fries. (Though I'm a total hypocrite for saying that. I had a similar freak out this week about potato chips). Fingers and toes and everything else crossed for you.