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October 30, 2014

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Ravi Gupta

Thanks for sharing your blog and useful information .i am institute of reproductive medicine and ivf center in new delhi I Will Always Visit Your Blog Again And Again. Keep Writing More.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Meliss-- I hear ya. I vividly remember at the beginning of our journey Noah saying, "There's no way we're doing this stuff for years. No way." And then the years and procedures and money all float by and suddenly four years, almost five have gone by. I can't even think about the money. It's easy to think about all that has been lost and all that we've gone through and had to give up. I think about it sometimes-- sometimes I find myself talking to someone complaining about being P or even someone who got P through IUI or IVF and I have moments where I think, "but you got your own genetics..." and then I stop myself and remember all that I have right now and how special it is that Momo was donated by strangers for us to have. Having frozen embryos is great! That's half the battle. Wanting to carry is a very strong desire and I understand it. It's a physical longing that cannot be fully described, but I know the feeling. Having to give that up could be another huge loss for you, not to mention expense, and I hope you don't get there. I actually started working for a surrogacy agency doing the psychological assessments on some potential surrogates and I have to say though surrogacy is not anyone's first choice, or at least not usually, there is an amazing relationship and every special experience that can be formed, and with the huge loss of not being able to carry also possibly comes a gain. I'm just blabbing right now, but just know it is in no way selfish to want to carry your child. It's the most natural thing in the world to want. And I so wish that for you! Have a good weekend.

Meliss

I have felt like I have been at that lowest point for awhile and that I'm stuck at the bottom....I have been going through the stages as well (was a psych major in college so I remembered this! ) but-- I have yet to get to the acceptance part of the situation we are currently dealing with ... which is the fact that I may never be able to get pregnant or carry my own baby. I managed to have more hope during all 4 IUIs and I think it's partially because I was in denial that I was truly infertile and I naively thought it could still happen without too much medical intervention. I didn't think i would ever be one of those women to struggle for years, go through multiple rounds of ivf, etc...and still have nothing to show for it. But here I am... after several cancelled transfers and still struggling with a thin lining that doesn't want to budge. I know I should feel grateful that I have embryos frozen and that if things continue not to work that we could use a surrogate. And I am thankful- But in my selfish heart of hearts it still feels like it's not enough..i want to carry our child. It is comforting to read your words that remind me that this will not last forever. Anyway sorry this turned into total rambling but I do so appreciate your perspective and honesty as always. Love to you, Momo and Noah! Xo

Don't Count Your Eggs

Oh Lisa--I'm sorry to hear it didn't work. I've been thinking about you. I know it's hard and the unknown road ahead is scary. Take care of yourself and don't feel obligated to do anything you don't want to do. That's my philosophy, you're not bailing, you're just not in a space to do certain things. That's called being honest and good to yourself. I hope your next appointment brings some clarity and I wish you the best. And Rachel, Pema Chodren is wonderful, def a great book recommendation ;)

Rachael

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodren

Your excerpt reminded me of this book. This is a fabulous book, not just for infertility patients, but for anyone going through a situation that feels so unbearable. I swear it's saved my sanity so many times. Anyway, just thought I'd mention it here in case anyone is reading the comments and could use a book recommendation.

Great post, as always.

Lisa

Oh Maya, you speak the truth sister and I love seeing a new blog post from you pop up in my feed in "Outlook"...so I got my 4th negative beta doing IUI. I know IVF is the next step and I'm not freaking out yet because I have to believe that something is preventing sperm from entering the egg, and maybe once in a petri dish they will make that happen...but the uncertainty, the unknown of what if that doesn't work is really, really, freaking scary. It's so hard, and I don't want to sound conceited here, but I've always had it all - two degrees, a condo, 2 awesome Sphynx cats, my parents are still married, my in-laws are still married, a great husband, a great job, and the list could go on - but I'm still childless and for that I feel like I'm the biggest failure that was! My husband and I dated a long 7.5 years before he proposed and I was getting impatient from like year 4.5 and on. He always would tell me, "Don't worry Lis, you'll get what you want". And I did...eventually...so maybe that is where I am now...just finishing up 2 years TTC...I'll get "what I want", but not in my timing...Did I mention I am very impatient!!! I too have a sister, she is three years younger, and I find myself wondering if she would give us her eggs if we needed them. Of course I've never said this out loud to anyone, but after reading what you tried Maya, it's come into my mind. So now I wait until November 25th when my husband and I sit down with our RE to discuss everything and moving forward. My husband seems to think we should still try a few more IUI's (his co-worker got pregnant on her 6th IUI), but I'm not so sure. I also find myself using my failures to bail on things - my mom really wanted me to host Thanksgiving this year, but I texted her after my negative beta that I wasn't feeling up to it - really, I could have, but you know what, I am giving myself a pity party and don't want to host. I want to be selfish and just show up on Thanksgiving with my one side dish and be done. Thanks for letting me express myself here. I don't have my own blog and sometimes just getting it out, help. Much Love to you Maya and Momo (and Noah too)...

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